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Sasha Townsend |
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Sasha Townsend |
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My Story...My
parents divorced when I was 13 years old, and it has to be one While I know that the majority of single parents do a great job raising their children, I know that many others have it much worse than my sisters and I did. Our parents did their very best, but they were unable to help us. Like most children of divorce, we were embarrassed to talk to our peers about it, and uncomfortable bringing it up with our parents. As a result, we dealt with the aftermath of family break-up and conflict essentially alone. Children of divorce need adult role models and peer support outside the home. It is my experience that what children need most is to know that they are not alone, that how they are feeling is natural, and that there are ways we can help ourselves to feel better. I believe that the Banana Splits program, and other peer support groups for children facing the loss of a parent, such as Rainbows International and DivorceCare for Kids, meets this need.
Today, I teach and tutor college students at the University of Tulsa and Tulsa Community College. I love my job as a calculus instructor and I'm thrilled to be earning my Master's degree debt-free with thanks to some wonderful people in our graduate school. I volunteer as a marriage educator for the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative, and speak to youth and adult audiences about my mission and vision of a state where children get the support they need to cope after divorce. Divorce support programming like Banana Splits has the power to change the lives of young people, and that means that adults do have the power to make a difference for these kids, even if it means that we, as adults, have to sometimes have uncomfortable conversations with children and youth. It is my hope that you will learn the warning signs, learn the terminology, act on your new knowledge, and help establish divorce support programs for children of divorce. When you see the results, that is, when you watch children transition from sadness and anxiety to hopefulness and joy, you'll be glad you did.~ SMPT |
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of the most difficult things my sisters and I have had to deal with. My
youngest sister, Sara Gene, began anxiously pulling out her hair and
doctors could find nothing wrong with her. My sister Jade rebelled, and
found acceptance with the wrong crowd. She made a lot of poor choices in
an effort to find love and acceptance, and also as a cry for help to our
parents. I acted as if everything was fine. I tried to hold everything
together for my sisters and my parents, but also as a coping mechanism for
myself. If I pretended that the only change was that I now had two
families, like many parents and caregivers, I believed the sadness and
grief of the loss of my intact family would just go away. It wasn't until
I was in my early 20s, studying the effects of divorce on children, that I
finally began the healing process and overcame the hurt of my parents'
divorce. I'm finally at a place now where I understand the child's point
of view as well as the adult's point of view to some extent. Today I am
helping parents and educators to give children of divorce the help they
need, where they are right now.
After
my parents' divorce, I found my niche in the caregiver role. Like many
eldest daughters, I took it upon myself to help out around the house,
protect my sisters, and be a good role model for them. That was a lot of
responsibility for a 13 year old, but it was my ideal way of coping at the
time. Since then, I've felt most at ease and happy spending time with
children and nurturing them. I worked with children and youth in YMCA
youth programs and in the public school system in Florida, New York, and
Oklahoma. I have tutored elementary, middle and high school students in
math, science, and reading. I have served as a camp counselor and youth
cheerleading coach for the YMCA. I taught children about drama and music
in after-school arts programs and church programs. I have given
presentations on leadership, bullying, self-esteem, self-respect,
acceptance and goal setting. I have spoken to young women about pageantry
and the opportunities it provides to develop public speaking and
leadership skills while serving others.